THE FAIR-WEATHER FRIEND

Hey Loves

Hope you’re all well and of course Happy New-Year

This week I found my self, reflecting on the previous year and the many events that shaped 2017.  OMG, as if 2017 was only six days ago!!!  To be fair last year did feel like an extension of 2016, so I’m glad my brain has finally grasped the concept of a new year LOL.

I always find that each year has a theme, or rather a few pop culture trends that appeal to our bandwagon sensibilities. And admittedly, I happily rode the wagon of a few of those trends. For example in 2017, we couldn’t turn the celebrity baby Fawcett off. Remember when Queen B broke the internet by revealing her twin bump. P.s Kylie we all know you’re pregnant. Lets also not forget that we couldn’t blink without a new celebrity make-up brand being launched #FENTYKILLEDIT,  #KIMKTRIEDIT with those crayons disguised as concealers. Another trend which surfaced early/mid 2017, perhaps the less popular of the three, were the strings of YouTube videos about fake friends, bad friends and cutting off your friends.

These videos expressed a general viewpoint, that if a person felt that a friendship wasn’t mutually beneficial, then they reserved the right to end, terminate and completely burn the bridge of that friendship. Whilst I don’t deny that there are some cases where it is best to close the chapter of that friendship; and in a few cases burn the entire book. I also think that it is often not clear-cut, and a simple change in perspective would provide more clarity on the situation. Particularly the videos explored scenarios in which a person felt that their friends weren’t there in times of need, or only seemed to be present during the rosy periods i.e A Fair-weather Friend.  Of course my unbiased nature had to challenge this view. Here are two points that I think might be good to take into account when we feel let down by our friends.

1.We’ve all been fair weather friends ourselves. 

We’ve all had periods in our lives where we weren’t able to emotionally cope with someone else’s baggage along with our own issues. As much as I try to be there for my friends, I know and can accept the fact that I don’t always succeed. To be completely honest there have been instances where I have subconsciously distanced myself, or being less available to a friend because I wasn’t at the mental state to accommodate their needs. So no I wasn’t a friend indeed to my friend in need (LOL I really couldn’t resist  the cliché play on words). This distance wasn’t a  reflection of my feelings towards them, instead my attitude was more of a reflection of myself and my mental state at the time. Sometimes putting ourselves first is the best thing we can do for any relationship/friendship.

2. Some people lack the ability to emotionally empathise.

We all want friends that can empathise with us, especially during our low moments. Their empathy allows them to accommodate our needs better. But we fail to consider the fact that some people quite simply aren’t empathetic by nature. They can’t put themselves in our shoes therefore, fail to grasp the extent of our need. My cousin whom I love to bits, is probably the least empathetic person I know, even when she tries . Yes I do get annoyed when  she can’t see why i’m so upset about something or when the conversation finds a way to revolve around her or when her idea of comfort is rubbing salt on the wound in an attempt to get me to suck it up. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s generous, optimistic and an excellent motivator. Long story short; I no longer expect her to empathise, and baby me when I am in emotional need, because I understand its not in her nature. And more importantly I’ve learnt to accept that.

With all relationships especially friendships (cause we all seem to let out partners get away with murder) it is important to be understanding, patient and forgiving. Understanding because it is vital to understand, the nature of your friendship and, also the character of your friend.  Patient because it is important to take a step back, and wait before assuming a friends ill intent towards you. Forgiving because it is impossible be a good person at all time, no more a good friend. 

Till Next Time

T.sii x